Is Lack of Self Worth Sabotaging Your Life?
A lack of self worth can sabotage your happiness and most times we don’t even realize it! Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough? Are you in a relationship and can never make your significant other (SO) happy? Do you constantly compare yourself to others? When you’re at work, is everything you do not enough? Do you feel like you don’t matter?
Well, my friend. These are key indicators of lack of self worth. But don’t worry, you are not alone. Let’s dive into what self worth is, what triggers a lack of self worth, and what are some steps you can take to build your self esteem back.
What is self worth?
Self worth is the ability to see value in one’s abilities. In turn, a lack of self worth means we cannot see our value.
We live in a society where we judge ourselves more, we criticize and we constantly compare ourselves to others (i.e. those picture perfect models on Instagram, TV or Pinterest). We doubt in our abilities and cannot accept anything less than perfection. For some reason we work our damn hardest but still can’t give ourselves the benefit of the doubt. It’s like we can’t give ourselves credit. So we constantly beat ourselves up and wonder why we don’t measure up to whatever picture perfect image we have in our heads.
What or who are you trying to measure up to? Who can’t seem to notice you for the greatness that you are? Is it a sister who you always wanted to be like? Is it your father who never gave/gives you the time of day? Is it your mom, your teacher, someone you look up to?
You are not responsible for someone else’s inability to see your value, to see how beautiful you are.
This is one of the core problems. One of the core drivers of a lack of self worth is judging ourselves based on external factors. If we base how we feel about ourselves through the eyes of other people, we will always be let down. For example, academic accomplishment, appearance and approval of others. There will always be someone there to criticize us. As a matter of fact, those people that criticize us, have their own problems which in turn, are being taken out on you. You don’t deserve this.
Dr. Firestone tells us that “We shouldn’t be rating ourselves, we should just be ourselves” (Source). With all of our flaws and imperfections.
Listen friend, we cannot be perfect at everything. A misstep does not make you unworthy, it doesn’t make you insignificant or small. You are not a fraud. We are humans and each and everyone of us are learning.
So remember, you don’t have to be as good as someone else, you only have to be the best YOU can be.
What triggers a lack of self worth?
Think about a time when you messed something up. Who did you let down? What words did you say inside your head? In this moment, we often say things to ourselves like:
“What the hell, why did I do that?!”
“I always mess things up.”
“When will I learn?”
“Why can’t I just stick up for myself?”
“I suck. I’m stupid.”
But these are all stemming from our inner critic, the inner voice inside our heads who is telling us we aren’t good enough. Your brain loves familiarity. Therefore, your inner critic isn’t going to shut the hell up over night. (Oh but do I wish it would!) It’s used to challenging you, making you second guess yourself. It’s used to being afraid of a challenge so it wants you to back out and fear the unknown.
So how do you stop your inner critic and discover your worth?
We have to learn to control the voice inside our head, and the first step of this is to recognize it in the moment. If you mess up, that’s perfectly okay. You are learning so have a little self compassion. No one wakes up and is perfect at brain surgery. It takes time, discipline and perseverance to be good at something.
“The bad news: Self-love is subversive in our culture. This process has to be a disciplined, daily practice. The good news: We can do subversive. Nothing/Nobody can take away the power that comes from owning our own stories” - Brene Brown
Ways to improve your self worth and silence your inner critic:
Recognize your negative self talk in the moment.
Have compassion for yourself by telling your inner critic to SHUT UP! Just because our inner critic is telling us something, doesn’t make it true. So stop listening to your inner critic.
Say 3 positive things about yourself in this moment. If you can’t think of anything, think about what people tell you your good at even if you don’t believe it’s true. Think about yourself as a child, would you say those negative words to your child self? No.
By practicing this self love and compassion, every day. And I do mean this - Every. Single. Day. You will start to treat yourself with the love that you deserve. It will eventually become second nature. But remember, you’re not perfect. There will be times where we mess up. This is normal. You are doing the best you can.
Lastly, focus on progress not perfection.
After all, all you need is a little self love, compassion and trust in yourself.
Silence that inner critic and build yourself esteem by practicing self love when you are working through a moment of negative self talk. It’s not going to be easy — it will be hard. But apart of every big change in our lives is adversity, perseverance and habit building. You can and you will make it through this journey. Stay consistent and let me know if you need any help.